im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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