Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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