There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
