he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
