Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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