Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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