Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh good, I think they're gone
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
so much tequila, so little girl.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.