I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
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People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to