My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need a beard to bite.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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