Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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