peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
