We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
