i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
