She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
