my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i believe in u and ur pee
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
