What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
