i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The ass gains better be worth it
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