His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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