Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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