I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
