im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
