i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
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I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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