Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
even my farts smell like vagina
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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