that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack