My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
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Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".