So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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