Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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