I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
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The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.