well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.