ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
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Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
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He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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