My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Can I color on your dick again?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
