I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
