your thong is hanging out like whoa
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
