I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
