It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize