PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
