We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
