bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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