So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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