Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
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We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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