i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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