i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
