The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
