I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I party with great urgency now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
