In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
