This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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