You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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