the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He better not be in your backpack
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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