pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
