How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What should our trivia night team be named?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?