you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants