I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house