told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
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I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?