We won't sleep together?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms