We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.