my mouth tastes like poor choices
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.