I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
