Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
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He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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